In the matter of years I have gone from a woman suffering the symptoms of being out of touch with her truth and identity, to owning my story and living an authentic life. I’m steadily designing my life and my future, living life on my terms and learning how to make a living doing it.
It is freedom, it is joyous.
Its still hard, I will never stop growing, but my life feels right for the first time in a long time.
These are 9 truths I had to learn before I was able to start living a life I love.
1. You are Ready to Be and Have Whatever You Want, Right Now
I had to let go of the idea that I needed to be thinner, smarter, better, and more perfect before I decided to start living the way I wanted to. I decided to be happy, and be the woman I wanted to be before anyone gave me permission or invited me to do so.
I just started where I was, with what I had: thick thighs, empty bank account and imperfect life. When we own our story we are freed by it.
2. Truth, Identity and Authenticity is a Path, Not a Destination
When I realized I didn’t know who I was, what I stood for, or what I wanted to be in this life (after more than one identity crisis), I was horrified that I didn’t know my truth, and didn’t know how to live authentically.
I only recently realized that truth, identity and authenticity is a process, it is not a final destination. I would look at businesses and people who had made up their minds, who were standing for something and being bold and authentic, and I would compare them to myself, a woman who stood for very little, and didn’t know what was authentic to me.
When I understood truth #1, I gave myself permission to start living without having it all figured out. It was only recently that I realized my truth, my identity and authenticity is a process, not something I was ever going to arrive to.
I just have to keep doing, to keep speaking and living in ways that feel right to me at the time, and that is how I live truthfully and authentically. My identity is found in the doing, it is not a fixed point.
I am always changing, and thus my truth and identity will always change. I may become a hypocrite. I may change my mind. But it’s fine, because that is the process.
Identity therefore is an action, we are what we do, not what we think we’ll do.
3. When We Live Based on What We ‘Should’ Be Doing, We Will Always Be Chasing
There is a place many people arrive to where every day is spent doing what must be done, what should be done. We are simply living our to-do lists and then collapsing on the couch, exhausted.
When I decided to slow down, and do things for me, instead of doing things because I should be doing them, I started living my life on my terms. I removed myself from the rat race, and put myself in my own lane.
It was only after I started living for myself did I realize that this is the #1 key to living an authentically and to becoming exceptional in life and in business.
When I stopped living for everything I “should” be doing, I stopped paying attention to what others were doing and realized that most of our “shoulds” are wrapped up in competing and keeping up with other people. They are not authentic to ourselves.
Living from a place of “shoulds” keeps us chasing after other people, reacting to what the competition is doing and keeps us living outside of truth.
4. My Identity Isn’t Fixed
Many people believe that who they are right now is who they must be. This is simply not true, you are not required to be who you were yesterday or even 5 minutes ago.
When I finally gave up alcohol, my behavior proved to me that just because I once considered myself a “drinker” did not mean I had to be for the rest of my life.
What we repeatedly do is who we are. Therefore, our behavior and our actions dictate our identity, not the other way around.
So start behaving as the person you want to become behaves, and your identity will follow.
5. We Must Practice Self-Reliance
Being self-reliant is the only way to start living an authentic and truthful life, but we must practice self-reliance every day. It is a muscle that needs training.
When I decided to travel to Costa Rica for 3 months alone, without my husband, I was practicing self-reliance. It taught me that I can do hard things alone, that I can survive without my loved ones (though difficult and less enjoyable), and that I can make decisions for myself.
We must practice self-reliance in the comfort of our daily lives because there will be a time when we will have to rely on ourselves in difficult times. If we don’t practice self-reliance daily, we will flounder in the tough situations.
6. I am NOT My Emotions
Gaining a meditation practice forced me to become the observer to my own ego and my emotional reactions. This gave me incredible insights into who I am and how I was living from a place of lack.
It made me realize that I am not my emotional reactions to life and people. I am the observer of my emotional reactions. This is one of the most powerful distinctions we can make. It allows us to own our emotional reactions and understand ourselves on a completely different level.
It forced me to take responsibility for myself, to own my truth and learn to speak it.
7. Speaking My Truth is What Sets Me Apart
I was once scared of my story and the ugly parts of my truth. I was living my life passive-aggressively. I would react to the world and then stuff down my emotions and carry on.
When I learned to finally own my truth, and recognize my emotional reactions as a sign to people and situations not lining up to my truth, I gave myself freedom. I gave myself the gift of choosing how I wanted my life to feel every day.
There is power in saying ‘no, this doesn’t line up with my truth’ and then walking away from the people and situations that no longer serve your truth. We need more people willing to speak up for their truth, and willing to own their story.
Speaking our truth is the only thing that has changed the world. Vulnerably sharing our truth with the world gives other the power to speak their truth.
This is your invitation to start speaking yours.
8. Owning Your Story is the Surest Way to Control the Ending
I had to learn to own where I had been, and the person I am in order to start living a more fulfilling and happy life. When I stepped into my story, this forced my hand, and effectively eliminated people and situations that weren’t moving me forward.
I had to realize that I will not make everyone happy, and that not every situation (even the ones I wanted), was meant for me in order to find the people and life that are.
We write a better ending for our story when we decide to start being the heroine or hero of our own.
9. Deciding How I Want My Life to Feel Everyday is How I Got the Life I Wanted
No amount of goal setting, or vision boarding was getting me a life I wanted. My life still felt unfulfilling after I had achieved the goals and got the job, or the promotion, or whatever.
I was running in goal setting circles.
It was only when I got clear on how I wanted my life to feel every day, that I was able to actually get a life that meant something to me. After I figured out I wanted my life to feel, I was able to construct a career that was actually fulfilling because it’s authentic to me.
Life is a moving target. It is a process of trial and error, growth and setbacks.
It is not a destination.
You will grow, you will change, you will make declarations that were once your truth and that now make you shudder.
You will be a hypocrite. You will be wrong.
But if you are making decisions from a place of your truth, as stands right now, you will walk the path you are meant to walk.
And that is the point.
Make massive change in your life by figuring out how you want it to FEEL every day. I created a 10 minute audio exercise to plug you into your authentic self, so you can start living the life you want today 👇